This post is about my experience doing item #267 on my #noworrieslist
When you’re anxious, asking for a pay rise is pretty darn hard. You imagine all kinds of scenarios in your head. You picture yourself being laughed out of the room, yelled at, maybe even fired.
So when I asked my writing studio for more moolah this week, I imagined the worst. Which was this:
“Umm, hi guys. Can we talk?”
“Ughhhh! OK.” [that’s the voice of my awesome directors, who in this scenario will seem like frightening robotic monsters.]
“So, umm…I need more money.”
“I…I’m not on the right salary. It’s tough out there, guys. I got bills to pay! It’s a hard knock life!”
Then I splosh tea all over myself, start sweating from EVERYWHERE on my body, and my hair goes frizzy.
“HOW DARE YOU?! YOU AREN’T WORTH MORE MONEY! YOU’RE NOT EVEN WORTH THE MONEY WE ALREADY PAY YOU! LOOK AT YOUR FRIZZY HAIR! THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!” [doubt my directors have ever said ‘preposterous’ in their lives.]
“YOUR LOOKS WON’T GET YOU ANYWHERE WITH THAT ATTITUDE, YOUNG LADY. NOW GO MAKE TEA AND MAYBE BAKE A CAKE WHILE YOU’RE AT IT!”
“But I’m a writer…I got skills!”
“SKILLS?! YES, SKILLS LIKE FACEBOOKING AND TOUCHING YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE AND SCUBA DIVING (ALTHOUGH REMEMBER YOU DID HAVE A PANIC ATTACK WHEN DIVING THAT ONE TIME) AND MAYBE YOU’RE GOOD AT MAKING PEOPLE LAUGH. BUT WRITING?! NO WAY IN HELL.”
And then my directors, full of rage and discrimination, burst into flames and set the entire office on fire. When the police come, I’m arrested for the crime of ‘inciting fire in employers resulting in death and destruction’ and sentenced to life in a maximum security prison.
But actually, prison wouldn’t be so bad. Because I’d have time to get really fit. And write a series of best-selling books. Oh, and I’d never have to ask for a payrise!
Of course, the reality was very different.
I asked for a payrise and got what I wanted.
Not so scary after all.