It’s Valentine’s Day. A day that celebrates love. Yet I was so sad to see beautiful souls switching off from social media, because the thought of being alone hurts so much.
I get it.
You wake up, go outside and BOOM! Suddenly the streets are littered with red rose petals. You can hardly get through the supermarket doors because the entrance is crammed with cheap bouquets and chocolate displays. Your friends are posting pics on Facebook and Instagram of “this booootiful Tiffany heart-shaped necklace and Godiva chocolates and Victoria’s Secret lingerie and oooh I love you so much baby! #luckiestgirlalive #blessed.”
Yeah, that stinks.
And when you’re single, it stings.
There’s a serious problem with our society: the obsession with coupling up. If you’re single, there’s something wrong with you. Aunt Beryl will ask at every family affair, “Where’s your fella? Why don’t you have a fella? Someone pass me the damn mustard!”
When you tell someone you’re single, cue the sorrowful sympathy eyes and the “Ohh you’ll find someone!” patronising comment with a shoulder squeeze.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE.
You are whole.
You are perfect.
There is no missing part, no other half out there searching for you – or waiting for you. You are not a body torn in two, sad and lonely until you find your match.
That is total, absolute bullshit.
You are complete. Right here, right now, in this moment, on this spot. YOU ARE COMPLETE.
Sure, you might feel like a work in progress. We’re all unfinished art works. We’re forever dabbing a little bit of ruby red paint here, a blob of cobalt there.
But you are whole and complete and worthy even as you add to your canvas.
And guess what else?
True love. Real, raw, earth-shattering, eye-opening, deep penetrating love. That only comes once you love yourself.
I’ve seen too many friends fall into relationships, giving all their love to their partner and neglecting themselves. Thinking they’re not enough. Not worthy of love. They shower their partner in truth and trust and understanding and a broken version of love. They try to fill the gap in their hearts, the gap that can only be filled with the most beautiful expression of love there is: SELF-LOVE.
Hell, I’ve seen it in myself.
It’s taken years of work to reach a profound, honest acceptance of myself. My quirks. My weirdness. My fears. My failures. My mistakes. My heartbreaks. My embarrassment. My hurt. I’ve shed truckloads of salty tears. Spent nights in a cold bed, all alone, wishing I were dead. Thinking I was unloved and unlovable. Wondering what I lacked that everyone else had.
And sure, I’m still learning. I still get down on myself. But I also take care to nurture my inner child. To protect myself, guard my heart, and tell myself: I AM ENOUGH.
And you are, too.
On this Valentine’s Day, and every other day.
I know this day is hard. I know it’s tempting to check out of the world and buy into the message that unless you’re loved up, you’re nothing.
But you are something.
You are worthy.
You are loveable. And you are loved.
Let’s turn Valentine’s Day into a celebration of ALL love. Love of the planet, love of friends, love of family, love of pets and animals, love of humanity.
And, the most exquisite, inspiring love of all:
LOVE OF SELF.
All my love,